EC 560

Mirror Mirror at the Head of My Bed

By © Ludis Cuckold

Sex Positions in Paradise

I do not remember who said it (it may have been a Frenchman) that the sexual act makes human beings assume ludicrous positions.

If I were to ask you what these ‘ludicrous’ positions were, you would—most likely—describe two of them: the ‘missionary position’ and the ‘doggie position’. Whether one or the other, you are visualizing both as sex that is but ‘one way’—vaginal sex: the man sticks his ‘mast’ into her ‘boat’, whence begins to rise smoke. Our forebears, peformed the act every day, when they needed to cook food or make sacrifice to the Goddess. The entire community was exhiliarated and came to stand around when it saw the shameless shamans at the temple make smoke rise.

Needless to say, while the act and the emotions it gives rise to are of God, the Sons of God remain voyeurs. This is why they wished to do God one better, and while following the creation of Adam and Eve, God limited Himself to making smoke and fire, they determined to spread their misery and make children.

God was not amused. “That makes no sense,” said God. “You will soon have so many children that you will not know what to do with them. Do you plan to cook and eat them?”

“We will give you an answer after we’ve had a taste of Julieta,’’ replied the ever so clever Sons of God.

“I will not deny you the pleasure,” said God. “When rubbed and well smoked, Eve is a tasty morsel. But, first, let me teach you how not to bring children and pain into the world. Children are only for emergency situations, which is why sex among animals (they live in constant danger) always results in them having young.”

The Sons of God asked their Father to explain.

“Haven’t you ever seen the mating rituals of swans?” God asked. “There is more to their sex than friction, a slap, or bang, bang of two humans in bed. The dance you see swans display in spring is eros in motion. They do not dance simply for reproduction’s sake.”

“But why then do they dance but once a year?”

“Because spring and summer come once a year,” answered God. “More to the point: the position of sex among animals is determined by the male, who approaches his mate from behind. This is because the female of any species is the most desired of all and therefore scares easily. But when in spring a male of her species grabs her by the neck, he is surprised that instead of running away or attacking him, she accepts him.”

“We never thought of it that way,” answered the Sons of God their Father.

“Clerly you are of a limited mind that is not My fault.”

“Is that why women are ticklish and squeal when we tickle them?”

“That is part of the dance. It prompts an aroused Eve to stroke the swan’s penis as he fans her desire into flame.”