Monday, October 27, 2014

EC 436 / 10 Smartass John
Eso A.B.
Smartass John and Crazy Jane
Scene 9: Crazy Jane Makes Her Day
Translation © Eso A.B.
Synopsis:  Crazy Jane, aka Develine, instructs Smartass John of the great adventure he is about to take to discover the pile of gold that he is to take to King John the Divine Dievel. This time John will not be riding Rozinante, but traveling on the back of a raven. (For a more complete perspective on this story, please read blog 427—Introduction.)
Smartass John:
I am sorry, my Crazy Dieveline!
I am in a hurry now.
We’ll have a go at it
another time.
Crazy Jane:
Yes, yes. Just clap your hands
and give a call:
“Raven, raven,
your next meal is here!’
The Speaker:
Smartass John could not imagine
That anyone would play games with him,
And raised both his hands
and o clap them.
Crazy Jane had to play
the angel of mercy
and insert her hand
between his palms.
Crazy Jane:
I have something else
to tell you, Smartass.
Because neither you nor Rozinante
have the Dievel’s boots on,
it is on the raven’s wing
that you will fly
to your pile of gold.
Rozinante will stay with me.
Smartass John:
But how will I get the gold
to the castle?
Crazy Jane:
There are several magic ways.
I will let you know
which one,
when the time comes.
For now, listen carefully:
you will fly on the raven’s back
your fingers dug deep
in its feathers.
When the raven asks you
how large the sea?
You reply:
“It is as large as a lake.”
The second question it will ask is
“How large the lake now?”
You reply: ‘As large as a puddle..’
The third question the raven will ask,
is: “”How large the puddle now?”
You reply: “As large as the eye of a dead horse.”
Smartass John:
I’ve recorded it on my brain.
The Speaker:
Having instructed Smartass John,
Crazy Jane, aka Crazy Dieveline, vanished.
Smartass John alone now
turned around, and
found himself nose to beak
with a raven.
The Raven:
“Krah, krah!” spoke the raven.
“How goes it Smartass John?
Did you ask the Sun,
when she will let me leave the pine tree?”
Smartass John:
Yes. There are two things that must be done.
First, I need to bury your dinner.
Then you must fly me to my
pile of gold.
The Raven:
What? You’re to get gold.
But I must stay without dinner?
Smartass John:
Crazy Jane told me that you know
where to find the pile of gold.
She mentioned overseas.
If I do not survive the trip,
you will have your dinner
six months running.
The Raven:
I know Jane.
She and her sisters feed me well.
By the way, the dinner
you are getting ready to bury,
is of her issue.
She was recently employed
by King John the First,
Who is a great hunter
of the angels of government.
As you surely know,
there is no such thing as a hunting party
if the men do without sex.
Now climb on my back,
and I will fly you to the pine tree.
Meanwhile, I will try remember,
where the Sun spilled
Her beans of gold.

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