EC 436 / 10 Smartass John

Eso A.B.

Smartass John and Crazy Jane

Scene 9: Crazy Jane Makes Her Day

Translation © Eso A.B.

 

Synopsis:  Crazy Jane, aka Develine, instructs Smartass John of the great adventure he is about to take to discover the pile of gold that he is to take to King John the Divine Dievel. This time John will not be riding Rozinante, but traveling on the back of a raven. (For a more complete perspective on this story, please read blog 427—Introduction.)

 

Smartass John:

I am sorry, my Crazy Dieveline!

I am in a hurry now.

We’ll have a go at it

another time.

 

Crazy Jane:

Yes, yes. Just clap your hands

and give a call:

“Raven, raven,

your next meal is here!’

 

The Speaker:

Smartass John could not imagine

That anyone would play games with him,

And raised both his hands

and o clap them.

Crazy Jane had to play

the angel of mercy

and insert her hand

between his palms.

 

Crazy Jane:

I have something else

to tell you, Smartass.

Because neither you nor Rozinante

have the Dievel’s boots on,

it is on the raven’s wing

that you will fly

to your pile of gold.

Rozinante will stay with me.

 

Smartass John:

But how will I get the gold

to the castle?

 

Crazy Jane:

There are several magic ways.

I will let you know

which one,

when the time comes.

 

For now, listen carefully:

you will fly on the raven’s back

your fingers dug deep

in its feathers.

 

When the raven asks you

how large the sea?

You reply:

“It is as large as a lake.”

 

The second question it will ask is

“How large the lake now?”

You reply: ‘As large as a puddle..’

 

The third question the raven will ask,

is: “”How large the puddle now?”

You reply: “As large as the eye of a dead horse.”

 

Smartass John:

I’ve recorded it on my brain.

 

The Speaker:

Having instructed Smartass John,

Crazy Jane, aka Crazy Dieveline, vanished.

Smartass John alone now

turned around, and

found himself nose to beak

with a raven.

 

The Raven:

“Krah, krah!” spoke the raven.

“How goes it Smartass John?

Did you ask the Sun,

when she will let me leave the pine tree?”

 

Smartass John:

Yes. There are two things that must be done.

First, I need to bury your dinner.

Then you must fly me to my

pile of gold.

 

The Raven:

What? You’re to get gold.

But I must stay without dinner?

 

Smartass John:

Crazy Jane told me that you know

where to find the pile of gold.

She mentioned overseas.

If I do not survive the trip,

you will have your dinner

six months running.

 

The Raven:

I know Jane.

She and her sisters feed me well.

By the way, the dinner

you are getting ready to bury,

is of her issue.

She was recently employed

by King John the First,

Who is a great hunter

of the angels of government.

As you surely know,

there is no such thing as a hunting party

if the men do without sex.

 

Now climb on my back,

and I will fly you to the pine tree.

Meanwhile, I will try remember,

where the Sun spilled

Her beans of gold.